Sex Pregnancy and Home Invasion

  Sex can become a BIG issue around pregnancy and the new baby – for both the man and the woman – but usually for different reasons.

It can help to understand some things about women and pregnancy …

Pregnancy is usually explained in 3 tri-mesters. These can affect how your partner feels about sex.

  • 1-3 months your partner might not feel that well (morning sickness) but will mostly be herself and have her 'regular' sex drive
  • 4-6 months many woman are  more interested in sex than usual - often due to hormones
  • 7-9 months, she's getting bigger and may not feel attractive or comfortable about having sex

Some men lose interest in sex once their partner is pregnant.

None of this is standard, everyone is different. What is pretty definite is that things will be changing about sex. And when something changes in a relationship it is usually better to discuss it, talk about out how each of you is feeling. This may avoid resentment building up.

Myth: Having sex during pregnancy is bad for the baby. Not true. You can have sex throughout the pregnancy and not harm the baby.

That said, guilt tripping your partfner into having sex is not a healthy for your relationship.

Understanding your partner … after a natural birth …

  • most women’s body take at least 6 weeks to recover. She is likely to find sex uncomfortable (and not want to do it) for at least that long.
  • even after 6 weeks, she may find sex uncomfortable or she may be too preoccupied for sex. Who knows, you may be, too. There’s a lot going on with a new baby in the house.
  • changes in the woman's hormones may cause her to lose interest in sex for a few months after the birth. This also might be true for you, too.

SEX OFF THE MENU?

                       

                       

Having little or no sex for a while may feel like the end of something between yourself and your partner. This is standard stuff for most couples and a dilemma for many men.

But unless you lose your grip on your relationship, not having sex in the later stages of pregnancy or for a while after the birth won’t be a permanent condition. Sex is a basic part of the glue that holds couples together and it will come back.

What about her?

Don't assume your concern or frustration about sex is all about you. Your partner might be more worried than you about sex. She might be think  her body will never recover from the birth. Or that if you watched the birth you won’t want to have sex with her again!

Talk about it … 

                         

It won’t do anyone any good if you get upset about a lack of sex and just stew about it. If you can do it in a positive way, talking about it will probably help.

Talking about changes to your sex life doesn’t mean blaming her or making her feel bad or acting the injured party. And it doesn’t mean trying to talk her into having sex when she doesn’t want to. It's about explain about what you feel. For a lot of guys, we can’t even name what we feel until we talk about it – and it can feel like hard work. Well, whoever said relationships were easy? Talking is also about listening. She will probably appreciate you listening to her about how she's feeling. You may find yourself reassuring her.

So, it’s probably a good idea to talk about it … with each other, if you can. If that seems too tough, try talking to a relative or a mate about what’s going on for you.

ALTERNATIVES TO INTERCOURSE …

Okay … jerking off, wanking, tossing-off, masturbating – there you go, we’ve said it. Everyone does it, it’s just that we don’t talk about it. If your partner’s gone off sex, masturbating doesn't hurt anyone.

Her masturbating you may be an alternative if intercourse is uncomfortable for her. She may not have completely gone off sex, but gone off intercourse.

And there is always going without … Don’t forget that cuddling up and being physically close to your partner is still important, even if the sex isn’t happening.

                     

WHAT DOES SEX MEAN TO YOU, ANYWAY?

What sex means to you … beyond that you like to do it and it feels good!

For most men, having sex with his partner is important for his self-esteem. We men often take sex as a sign that our partner loves us. Sex is part of what makes you a couple. So when sex is off the menu it can feel like a big deal. It might be helpful to consider …

  • what are other ways you know your partner loves you?
  • what are other ways that you show your love for her?
  • how about just cuddling up without having sex, even if it's all three of you?

If you're feeling left out on the sex front, you’re in good company. Right now there are millions of men around the world whose women are not having sex with them because they are about to, or have recently, given birth.

Women go through labour and childbirth. You could look at this temporary lack of sex as part of the man's labour.

THE SEX WILL COME BACK …

Some men  report that post-baby sex is better than ever, that there is another level to sex and that they feel closer than ever to their partner.

After a while you may wonder what you were so concerned about.

STRAYING …

Going outside your relationship for sex will pose risks to your relationship. You may lose your way and become distracted away from the things that are really important in your life. 

Finding sex outside your couple relationship may cause you to lose your partner's trust. If that happens, you may also lose your ability to live with your children.  

If you're thinking about straying, think about more than how you might get away with it.

COITUS INTERRUPTED…

                          

 

contact@greatfathers.org.nz

Three things
Your baby's brain
Crikey! Your own baby
Why babies cry
The Zombie Zone
Sex, Pregnancy and the Home Invasion
Your own Dad
Breastfeeding
Depression